Adventures of the Chibi Tomb Robber
by pathlight
Summary: Back in Egypt, a spell went horribly wrong and turns our favorite white haired tomb robber into a chibi


Idontownyugiohidontownyugiohidontownyugiohidontownyugiohidontownyugiohidontownyugiohidontownyugiohidontownyugioh!! SO KEEP THE FREAKIN LAWYERS AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!  
  
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(A/N: The idea for this story came to me in a *mysterious voice* dream........................ok so it didn't. It came to me while I was dozing off in English. Who would have thought that counting prepositions works better than counting sheep? ANYWOO, just r/r)  
  
Bakura threw his head back and let out a maniacal laugh causing Yami to shrink back until his back was pressed against the cold walls on the opposite side of the temple. The tomb robber gave his trademark bloodthirsty grin seeing the young pharaoh cowering in front of him. Oh how he savored this moment, the final moment before the little brat, a pitiful excuse for a pharaoh and yet, his greatest nemesis' downfall.   
  
Fingering the hilt of his dagger, Bakura stepped lightly over the lifeless form of the pharaoh's personal guards that he had killed moments before, his eyes glinting dangerously. Droplets of blood fell from his dagger and splattered on the smooth stone floor. Taking note of it, Bakura stopped in mid-stride, grinning ear to ear and licked the red liquid off of the blade, enjoying the warm metallic taste all the while watching Yami in the corner of his eyes.  
  
"Still warm" he lightly commented to the boy in front of him. He simply delighted in watching his victim's face twist in sheer terror.   
  
Yami stared dumb struck as the tomb robber licked the rest of the blood on the dagger. His fingers itched to wrap them around the thief's throat and strangle the life out of him, but he barely had enough energy to keep his eyes open. 'No good priests!' he thought angrily. 'Always there buzzing around like an annoying fly in the summer, but never there when you need them! I'll have them thrown in snake pits for this!' Yami stopped; catching the strange look Bakura was giving him. It was then that he realized that he was growling and shaking his fist at the ceiling. 'Oh great, I'm doing it again. You gotta show some emotion he says. Ha! Emotion my ass! What does HE know? NOTHING! All HE does is sit on his fat ass and eat all day! Not to mention that ear bleeding monotone voice. And NOW look what he's having me doing! I'm showing more emotion than there is in a cheap American soap opera! I wonder if I can get paid for all this emotion? Hm...probably not. Oh well. I'll just raise the taxes! Hehehehehe! More money for me! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh crap! I'm acting like the tomb robber! Okay Yami. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. Remember your yoga lessons. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Oh why? Why did I hire him?'  
  
Bakura waved his hand in front of the young pharaoh's face, his dagger lying long forgotten on the floor, receiving a blank expression in response. He scratched his head, bewildered. Suddenly, a fist flew up, catching him in the jaw. He flew backwards, landing on the ground a few feet away. For someone his size, that kid punches hard! Cursing, Bakura climbed back on his feet and picked up his dagger and raised, ready to kill the boy.   
  
Just as the blade was about to skewer Yami, it stopped dead. Yami gave a soft snort and slumped over on the floor. Bakura took a step back. 'He's taking a nap!' he thought angrily. 'A NAP! Of all the times, he has to choose MY time of glory?! This is preposterous! That little brat! How dare he! I didn't even get to gloat like James Bond does!'   
  
Bakura was suddenly interrupted from his thoughts by a loud shriek. At first he thought it was some rabid fangirls, but it turned out to be just Yami. He was shrieking and twitching on the floor in a bloody heap. Apparently having night terrors.  
  
"COBRAS! COBRAS! AH!" Yami suddenly quieted, curled up in a ball and started sucking on his thumb. "No mommy! I don't wanna go to school today! I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you. Whoa! Mommy! What big fangs you have! Wait a minute! My mommy doesn't have fangs! She lost all her teeth when I was five! She had ivory vampire dentures. So you must be a cobra! ...... AH! COBRAS! AH! Wait, you're not a cobra! AH! DARK MAGICIAN! AH! HELP!"  
  
By now, Bakura was severely disturbed, but it was still excellent black mail material. Taking out a quill and a sheet of papyrus paper, he began recording everything that Yami was blurting out in his night terror...er...dream.   
  
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"Ahem." Bakura cleared his throat. It was already dark outside. The city glowed as a million candles lit the night (A/N: Did they even HAVE candles back in Egypt?!)   
  
"Ahem" Bakura cleared his throat louder and nudged Yami with his foot. He was carrying a large stack of papyrus paper all filled with the pharaoh's rants on his personal life. Pink footie pajamas. Bakura snorted at the memory. Who would have thought. Turning his attention back towards the napping (more like comatose) pharaoh, he cleared his throat again.   
  
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Left eye twitching, Bakura cleared his throat for the umpteenth in the last five minutes. This was really getting tiring and his throat was starting to hurt. Sighing, Bakura gave one it one last try.  
  
"YOU RA DAMNED PHARAOH! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?! I SAID: AHEM!!" His foot lashed out, kicking Yami in the stomach, who simply snorted and rolled over. Unfortunately for Bakura, his was bare foot had just connected with solid gold millennium puzzle and even an illiterate moron knows the equation: bare foot + solid gold puzzle = definite pain.   
  
"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Bakura screamed, clutching his foot, hopping up and down around the perimeter of the temple, every curse known to man spilling out of his mouth.   
  
"FREEZE TOMB ROBBER!" a voice shouted.  
  
Bakura froze in mid-air at Priest Seto standing at the doorway. Even though Newton didn't discover gravity yet, it still existed and poor Bakura just had to test it out. He looked at the ground beneath him and paled.   
  
"Uh oh."  
  
BAM!! Bakura smacked in to the ground and lay twitching in a Bakura shaped hole. He sat up and stared at the pretty yellow birds flying around in circles above his head. This really isn't his day. First he steps in a pile of crap left in one of the tombs, gets chases down the Nile by a pack of angry crocodiles, gets pelted by rotten vegetables (makes you wonder where they got all that food when half of Egypt was in poverty huh?), trips over a drunk guard, gets chased out of the palace (man he's doing a lot of running these days), runs into a mentally unstable pharaoh. Okay, so he himself is slightly mentally unstable and has an over whelming tendency to be a kleptomaniac but at least he doesn't go screaming in his sleep about his fear of the Dark Magician. Who would be scared of a guy in a purple dress in the first place? Wait, now that you think about it: Who WOULDN'T be scared of a guy in a purple dress? And why would he be wearing a purple dress in the first place?  
  
Bakura looked up at the priest standing in front of him and snorted. His lips curled up in a smirk and his whole body shook from suppressed laughter.   
  
"Hey Kaiba, having fun wearing a dress?" He managed to say between his giggles.  
  
Seto's face flushed deep red and he stared down at the maroon dress like robe he was wearing.   
  
"It's NOT a dress! It's a robe!"  
  
Ignoring him, Bakura continued.  
  
"I always knew you have a terrible fashion sense, but I never would have thought that it was caused by you being a cross dresser! Look at the skirts you wear all the time! What kind of self-respecting villain wears purple skirts? Well, then again the Dark Magician wears them all the time, but it's one of the good guys so it can humiliate it's self as much as it wants, but YOU on the other hand, is giving us villains a bad name. Oh sure, Super Man wears his underwear over his tights but at least he didn't toss away his last shred of dignity by parading around in a dress, ne?"  
  
Seto's face turned a deeper shade of red until he looked almost as if he was suffocating. Wait. He IS suffocating! MEDIC!!   
  
Bakura sighed, picked up a slab of concrete and slammed it against Seto's back knocking out a piece of fish he had eaten a few days back. How is it possible to be choking of a piece of fish you had days ago that should have been digested and broken down by the acid in your stomach you ask? Who knows, who cares. The fact is that it's just there. And it's made of rubber.   
  
A woman appeared out of nowhere and hit Priest Seto upside the head.  
  
"YOU!" she shrieked and slapped him across the cheek leaving a bright red mark. "I *slap* KNEW *slap* YOU *slap* WERE *slap* UP *slap* TO *slap* NO *slap* GOOD!!! FIRST *slap* YOU *slap* BREAK *slap* INTO *slap* MY *slap* ROOM *slap* AND *slap* STEAL*slap* ONE *slap* OF *slap* MY *slap* DRESSES *slap* THEN *slap* YOU *slap* THROW *slap* ME *slap* OUT *slap* OF *slap* MY *slap* OWN *slap* ROOM *slap* AND *slap* INTO *slap* THE *slap*COLD*slap* WITH *slap* ALL *slap* THE *slap* SERVANTS *slap* STARING *slap* AND *slap* LAUGHING *slap* AT *slap* ME*slap*!!!!!!! Oh it was so horrible *sob* AND *slap* YOU *slap* BETRAY *slap* US *slap* ALL *slap* BY *slap* TURNING *slap* INTO *slap* A *slap* CROSS *slap* DRESSER *slap*!!!! *slap* YOU *slap* SHALL *slap* PAY *slap* FOR *slap* THIS *slap*!!!!!!"  
  
"Ow..."   
  
By the time Isis was finished, Seto's face was red and swollen. He gingerly rubbed his cheeks. "Waf if ish? Forture Feto day?"  
  
Because his cheeks were swollen so badly, Seto couldn't open his mouth wide enough to talk properly, thus not a single person understood him. We really don't have to go back to the equations now do we?  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I shaid: Whatsh Ish Tish? Forture Sheto Day?" spit flew out of Seto's mouth as he tried to talk normal.  
  
As if on cue, a weird looking EMOTIONLESS turban guy AKA Shadi, came up the stairs.  
  
"Actually, it is." He said in his MONOTONE voice that could make a person's ears BLEED and pointed to a spot on the Playboy calendar he was holding, scribbled over with the words: National Seto Torture Day. "I have it marked on my calendar."  
  
"FOOK!"   
  
Isis gasped and slapped Seto again.  
  
"Don't you DARE use that language around me young man!"  
  
"NOOO! FOOK!" Seto screamed...well at least tried to and pointed behind Isis at the comatose Yami. Unfortunately for him, she was wearing a veil at that time and couldn't see very well.   
  
"Don't you DARE give me that finger! I swear I'll cut you hands off the minute we get back!" Isis curled her hands into a fist, whirled it around and swung it in Seto's direction, knocking him down.   
  
Bakura in the mean time, stood watching them in amusement. Who knew crackpot old priests can be so entertaining? He just wished they had invented the video camera 3000 earlier.   
  
Leaning over the unconscious Seto, Bakura whistled. "Look at all these slap marks! Never thought it was humanly possible for a women to be capable of something like this!"  
  
"Are you implying that I am weak?" Isis hiss, her eyes narrowing. "Because if you are... then HIIIIYA!"   
  
Bakura suddenly grabbed Yami, who was just waking from his coma or nap, as a human shield against Isis' karate chop, knocking him back unconscious. Isis gasped and pointed an accusing finger at Bakura.   
  
"You! You tried to kill the pharaoh!"  
  
"WHAAAA!?"  
  
"You attempted to assassin the all mighty pharaoh!" Isis and Shadi stated in unison.  
  
"Whaaa? Okay so I was before but YOU," Bakura pointed a accusing finger at Isis "went all Kung Fu on him!"  
  
"So you admit. You did try and kill him."  
  
"Hey who doesn't? It's only a fifty buck fine these days! Hey! Are you even listening to me?" Bakura waved his arms in front of the Shadi and Isis, trying to get their attention, but they kept their eyes closed. A white light suddenly surrounded them, glowing brighter and brighter until it lit every corner of the temple.   
  
Bakura, being the professional tomb robber that he is, recognized a spell when he saw one and immediately made a run for it, but tripped over Yami's gigantic hair and toppled to the ground. The light suddenly took the form of a giant serpent and wrapped itself around him until he was completely covered from head to toe. As the light faded, everyone gasped including Yami and Seto that had just woken up.  
  
"This...this cannot be!"  
  
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Well that's all for now! Read! Review! Wait, you already read it so...REVIEW! NOW! I COMMAND YOU TO!......Please. With sugar and pixie stix on top?  
  
Bakura: NO DON'T!!! YOU'LL ENCOURAGE HER!!!  
  
Oh be quiet you! I cut off my cousin's arms and I'm not afraid to cut off yours!  
  
Bakura: NO!! YOU'LL NEVER SILENCE M- *large anvil falls on his head*  
  
Bakura: X______________X 


End file.
